Outpourings of Precious Psychosis

Don’t Give Up On Me Now

Hilary — Thu, 20 Aug 2009 04:19:12 +0000

Open this book and read the tattered pages
Sometimes it still feels like I’m setting stages
To smile the biggest and laugh so hard
No, I never knew change would go this far
Everything I thought I knew has been turned around
And the aftershock of the change leaves a painful sound
My heart still feels the tremors and it’s sometimes scared to beat
While I’m weaker than I’ll admit, I refuse to state defeat

I’ve been walking around with my heart in my hands
Trying to find someone else who understands
While my light is the brightest it’s ever been
Each day it takes all I have to turn it back on again
I want you to see how much has changed in me
But I’m finding it hard to let all the changes go free
I’ll make it through this mud in time, I know
I’m just getting tired and moving is hard and slow

This is the hardest I’ve ever fought to win the fight
But I’m determined to beat this – I know this is right
The goal is worth the ride but it’s longer than I thought
What I wanted as the end before I have to say is not
And now I’m driving blind while He steers me on
While I know I’m safe, I just don’t feel as strong
His hand’s on my shoulder and it soothes the shaking
But it’s hard to remember that there is good in the breaking

So be there for me, care for me
Be aware of me, say a prayer for me
And don’t you ever give up on me
No, don’t you dare
Hold on to me, travel on with me
Look out for me, cry out with me
But don’t you ever give up on me
Please, don’t give up on me
Just hug me now, love me now
Take care of my heart with me now
And don’t you ever give up on me
No, don’t you dare
Please don’t give up on me now

Heaven Help Me

Hilary — Thu, 16 Jul 2009 23:52:21 +0000

Head on his sleeves
Heart in his hands
Trying to make it
And meet their demands
Looking at the map
And driving along
Trying to read it
And still sing his song
What’s around the corner
And will we both be there?
Will there be enough money
Or will pockets be bare?

The car might not make it
The directions seem wrong
No one around to ask
And the journey’s so long

Sharp turns and wrong ways
Empty promises and backward days
Him there, me here
Helplessness boxed with fear
Say, when will it get brighter
And when will the burden get lighter
And when will we make it
And Lord, can we take it,
Whatever it takes to get where we’re going?
And how can we keep this up without knowing
What’s on the other side?
How long is this ride?

His hope’s growing dim
And it’s so hard to see.
I’m sinking slowly.
Heaven help me.

Written

Hilary — Mon, 11 Aug 2008 22:02:13 +0000

This song was written for us to rhyme to
All the stars and hearts come from you
We started with two notes of the same tune
And spoke with owls under the autumn moon
When you hold my hand I explode from the inside out
You are everything I want to know all and more about
We’ve fallen to pieces together in the dark of day
And you’re strong as a stone no matter what you say
You lose me my words and you find me my heart
You keep me my beat and you give me my start
Our journey’s been exciting but it’s also been rough
We’ve been thrown gold, but felt like it’s never enough
Sometimes we’ve closed our eyes and lost the way
But we’re here and we’re now, and I just wanted to say
I love you – you give me light
You give me my strength – you are my fight
All that you are amazes me
When I sleep at night, you know you’re what I see
I’m overcome with how great you are for me
There are no words to describe this type of happy
You and me – we fit, and that’s the end
You’re more than my love – you’re my best friend
I need you
And if you’re honest, you need me too
I believe that God above
Does send us blessings of love
And you are that something special to me
That something I’ve never imagined or dreamed
We are who they wish they were or could be
It’s impossible – they can’t come close to what they see

Up To You

Hilary — Tue, 29 Apr 2008 20:17:21 +0000

This must be the beginning of the end.
The sail is tattered and torn
The rope has broken from being so worn
The mast lies in splinters
From several arctic winters
And the captain has passed in his bed.
It’s all up to you my friend.

This must be the middle of the end.
The waves are rising high
The sun has started to cry
The sky is falling
And storms are calling
And the crew has already fled.
It’s all up to you, my friend.

This must be the end of the end.
The deck is starting to crack
The wind has launched an attack
My hope is lost
From all its cost
And we’re going down at the head.
Save us now or drown us instead.
It’s all up to you, my friend.

Compared

Hilary — Sat, 09 Feb 2008 03:52:25 +0000

Where am I compared to you?
Is the bar set somewhere higher
Than I can ever get in view?
How close am I
To being totally out of your sight,
Lost as black as night?
Where am I?

Where am I inside your mind?
Am I a memory so quickly fading
That I’m about to be left behind?
How close are you
To losing patience with this
Endless struggle through?
Where am I?

Where am I inside your heart?
Do I have a space at all there,
Even if it falls apart?
How far am I
From the ear you need tonight?
Can I help you win this fight?
Where am I?

Where am I when it comes to showing care?
Am I just another face in the mix,
Just another name to put there?
How far are you
From never needing me again?
Is there anything I can do?
Where am I?

Where am I now that all is said and done?
Do you realize you’ve lost me,
That my shadow weighs a ton?
How close were we
To making it through each time?
Is it better now that you’re free?
But where am I?
Where am I?

Untitled Lyrical Poem

Hilary — Sun, 26 Aug 2007 11:58:13 +0000

Let’s go to Denmark.
We can watch Judging Amy and How It’s Made.
We can go kayaking and hiking.
We can build fires and watch them til they die.
I’ll picture you green.
You music me blue.

I’m sending out a message to you.
Do you understand it?
I’m messaging you through a bottle.
I wonder – did you get it?
I’m sorry I speak in riddles and rhymes
I’m hoping you understand it in time
I’m sending out a message to you:
Open it with your heart.

Let’s go walking in the sand.
We can build sand castles without a moat.
We can jump in the ocean when its at its coldest.
We can sit on a blanket and eat some grapes.
I’ll fall into rainbows
You climb into purple.

Try this again with me.
Hold out your hand to me.
Laugh aloud with my eyes.
Tell me I’m part of your sky.
What could be better than this?
Tell me what could be better than this?
Hold out your heart to me.
Say you belong with me.
Escape the unknowing.
Your feelings are glowing.
What could be better than that?
Tell me what could be better than that?

Let’s sing lullabies
Without riddles and without rhymes.
I’ll tell you the truth
I want to be with you.
All I want is for you
To want to be with me, too.

Twice Upon A Time

Hilary — Sat, 25 Aug 2007 16:48:14 +0000

Once upon a time I was white
Imagine it, define it however you like
Daisies and wild flowers
Afternoon tea and super powers
The world was mine inside my hula hoop

One slash of black on my canvas
How did you expect me to take this?
Yellow trucks and large red letters
Don’t worry, darling, it’s all for the better
Backwards travelers lost in the crowd

The storm rolls, crashes of thunder
Insert the gloom that my eyes fell under
One red handed friend to guide me along
Two lost souls finding the way wrong
It’s funny how high school can drain you

Once upon a time I was black
Love was a lie and truth was a crack
Dirty hands water can’t wash clean
Broken hearts smothered in gasoline
I walked alone in chains of mold

Pressure is higher than sky
Ever smile is hiding another lie
Trust is a laugh and a broken arrow
Fire consumes the straight and the narrow
Hello, there, dreary clouds of shame

An opportunity for us all, dear
Things are better for us here
Don’t believe what they say
They’ll wash your independence away
But I let it sink through my skin

Twice upon a time I saw the light
It pierced my clouds and showered me white
Grace and mercy elevated above
Open your eyes to healing and love
So this is what it feels like to live

Happiness pierced me like a sword
Broke off my chains and cut my cord
Freedom to run with the daisies and the rain
Forgiveness of sins and relief from pain
I never thought life would find me again

Jump for joy, blink back tears
Laugh out loud, dance away fears
Life has found me again
Life is mine – let’s begin.